How Do You See A Woman?

In case you’ve not seen it, I am sharing a superb piece by fellow author and Hoosier, Nate Pyle. When it comes to men and women, this is beautifully said, Nate.

The man who sees and knows a woman as a fellow human being, and treats her with respect receives the richest gift in the world – a woman’s heart. She will partner to build great families, successful businesses, nurturing communities, and bright futures.

Seeing a Woman: A conversation between a father and son

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Someday I am going to have to have the conversation with my son. No, not the conversation all parents dread giving and all kids are mortified having. I enjoy making people uncomfortable so that conversation should be fun.

No, I’m talking about another conversation. The one that happens after I catch his eye doing what male eyes do well – following an object of lust. We will probably be out at the mall, because that’s what dads do with their sons, and I’ll catch the look. Maybe we’ll go to the beach and see it. Doesn’t matter where it is, there will come a time when I will see it. And then it will be time for this conversation.


Hey, come here. Let me talk to you. I saw you look at her. I’m not judging you or shaming you. I know why you did. I get it. But we have to talk about it because how you look at a woman matters.


A lot of people will try and tell you that a woman should watch how she dresses so she doesn’t tempt you to look at her wrongly. Here is what I will tell you. It is a woman’s responsibility to dress herself in the morning. It is your responsibility to look at her like a human being regardless of what she is wearing. You will feel the temptation to blame her for your wandering eyes because of what she is wearing – or not wearing. But don’t. Don’t play the victim. You are not a helpless victim when it comes to your eyes. You have full control over them. Exercise that control. Train them to look her in the eyes. Discipline yourself to see her, not her clothes or her body. The moment you play the victim you fall into the lie that you are simply embodied reaction to external stimuli unable to determine right from wrong, human from flesh.

Look right at me. That is a ridiculous lie.

You are more than that. And the woman you are looking at is more than her clothes. She is more than her body. There is a lot of talk about how men objectify women, and largely, it is true. Humans objectify the things they love in effort to control them. If you truly love a person, do not reduce them to an object. The moment you objectify another human – woman or man, you give up your humanity.

There are two views regarding a woman’s dress code that you will be pressured to buy into. One view will say that women need to dress to get the attention of men. The other view will say women need to dress to protect men from themselves. Son, you are better than both of these. A woman, or any human being, should not have to dress to get your attention. You should give them the full attention they deserve simply because they are a fellow human being. On the other side, a woman should not have to feel like she needs to protect you from you. You need to be in control of you.

Unfortunately, much of how the sexes interact with each is rooted in fear. Fear of rejection, fear of abuse, fear of being out of control. In some ways, the church has added to this. We fear each other because we have been taught the other is dangerous. We’ve been taught a woman’s body will cause men to sin. We’re told that if a woman shows too much of her body men will do stupid things. Let’s be clear: a woman’s body is not dangerous to you. Her body will not cause you harm. It will not make you do stupid things. If you do stupid things it is because you chose to do stupid things. So don’t contribute to the fear that exists between men and women.

A woman’s body is beautiful and wonderful and mysterious. Respect it by respecting her as an individual with hopes and dreams and experiences and emotions and longings. Let her be confident. Encourage her confidence. But don’t do all this because she is weaker. That’s the biggest bunch of crap out there. Women are not weaker than men. They are not the weaker sex. They are the other sex.

I’m not telling you to not look at women. Just the opposite. I’m telling you to see women. Really see them. Not just with your eyes, but with your heart. Don’t look to see something that tickles your senses, but see a human being.

My hope is that changing how you see women will change how you are around them. Don’t just be around women. Be with women.

Because in the end, they want to be with you. Without fear of being judged, or shamed, or condemned, or objectified, or being treated as other. And that’s not just what women want. That’s what people want.

Ultimately, it’s what you want.

– See more at:



Good Student But Talks Too Much

Good student but talks too much is how Katie’s teachers described her. Today she gets paid to talk.
Katie Leigh is the voice of your childhood.
The voice actress voices Muppet Baby Rowlf – the younger version of Jim Hensen – Disney Channel’s Dumbo, Darkwing Duck, Richie Rich, young Han Solo, and the annoying tourist kid in the beginning of Despicable Me to name a few. In my family she is best known as Adventures in Odyssey’s Connie Kendall. AIO is the longest running radio drama in history and Katie is the longest running actor, having started with the show 26 years ago. Today, Adventures in Odyssey is heard by 1.2 million people every week in 62 nations.

When Katie was at MasterWorks Festival to coach young actors, the newspaper interviewed the voice actress.


Will You Pray?

Anne Graham Lotz, daughter of Billy Graham, says it is time to pray. And pray hard.

Blow the trumpet…sound the alarm…for the day of the Lord is coming. It is close at hand– Rend your heart and not your garments.  Return to the Lord your God…
~Joel 2:1, 13

Beginning today, July 1 through July 7, I am participating in this Urgent Call To Prayer. How about you? Will you join with Anne and others to pray for our families and our nation? Go to the website below where you can sign up for daily prayer emails.

Pray! in the 7th month, July
Pray! on each of the first 7 days of July
Pray! and fast on July 7th for 7 hours (of your choosing)

Today’s prayer:

* For God the Father to restrain, protect, and deliver His people
from the evil that has come into our world.
* For God the Son to be exalted, magnified, and glorified in His
church, in our nation, and in our lives.
* For God the Holy Spirit to fall on us in a fresh way, compelling
the church to repent of sin and our nation to return to faith in the living
God, resulting in a great national spiritual awakening.

Rocking Chair Entrepreneur

They are called Super Moms for a reason. My stunning daughter is a full time mom as well as a full time career woman doing what she loves most – writing and working with people at PayProMedia. She described it this way at 3:00 a.m.
A Salute to Entrepreneurs From a Rocking Chair

By Leilani Squires

I’m supposed to be writing tips from women in business. But as I sit in my rocking chair, at 1:30 a.m., a fussy baby finally asleep on my chest, and I’m still trying to write this blog in order to meet my deadline, I realize something.

I’ve always had huge respect and admiration for you who make your dreams happen and start something from scratch. And now, I think I am able to identify with you entrepreneurs better than I ever have.

See, ten weeks ago, I got promoted to Mom. And it’s been awesome! And as I a continue to interview, write, and edit these articles, and reflect from my own business experience, I gotta say, I think being a mom is a lot like being an entrepreneur.
Let me explain. As an entrepreneur (and a mom), you…


1. Are never “ready.” I mean, honestly, is anyone really ready to have a kid? Just like is anyone really ready to start a business? But entrepreneurs don’t wait until everything is perfect. As much as possible, sure, but not everything.

2. Can never be prepared enough. I tried my best to do all my homework for pregnancy and birth. But just as in business, a lot can come along that surprises you and that wasn’t in your homework, and changes your game plan. I’m now thinking that the main part of the “preparation” is learning how to flex and keep going, no matter what comes along.

3. Don’t mind the hours. The weird, long hours aren’t a drudgery. Crazy, right? Some days are “normal working hours,” and some just aren’t. And even though it can get exhausting, these hours don’t feel like work. And You don’t need as much coffee as you thought you would.

4. Do two things at once. Talk about multi-tasking! Anymore, I rarely do only one thing at a time. And I see entrepreneurs do the same thing, especially when most of the work is all on your shoulders.

5. Bend over backwards to protect your baby. Wow, this Mother Bear heart is something else! And I’ve seen entrepreneurs do all they can to breathe life into their new business, and tenderly care and viciously protect it as it grows.

6. Learn to give yourself some grace. Sometimes, my body reminds me that I’m still not back to normal, that I still need time to heal. Sometimes I compare myself to other moms who are already back at work full time, or at least able to go to the zoo for a whole day within a month of giving birth. As entrepreneurs, it’s vital to resist the temptation to push too hard or compare to another’s success.

7. Need a support team. This isn’t something you can do alone… it’s at least vital to have a mentor or three. I’m very thankful to other moms who have come alongside with encouragement, no-nonsense knowledge, and laughter.

8. Celebrate every little development. Every little thing my son does is news worthy in my mind. Aunts, uncles, and grandparents have received way too many text messages, videos, and pictures of baby fingers, toes, smiles, coos, holding his head up, and more. As an entrepreneur, each success, no matter how little or big, is brag worthy and warrants celebration.

Yes, Mother’s Day and Father’s Day are over. So today, allow me to send a salute and standing ovation to you, small business entrepreneurs!

Tips for the Bride













June is the most popular wedding month and we are having our own June wedding. At my daughter’s bridal shower, a room full of close family friends shared these tips:

1) Keep your relationship the most important thing
2) Speak kindly of others
3) Appreciate each other’s differences
4) Kiss hello and good-bye
5) Plan regular time together
6) Be involved in an encouraging community where you have accountability
7) Know the other person’s love language
8) Resolve conflicts in a healthy fashion
9) Always give your best
10) Smile
11) Celebrate the small things
12) Make certain both of you are accomplishing your dreams
13) Have interests you do together, and others that you enjoy individually
14) Get into each other’s world – be familiar with the other’s work, interests, friends
15) Always respect yourself and your spouse
16) Communicate, communicate, communicate

Most used items these women would not do without include:
1) vacuum
2) kitchen shears
3) Clorox wipes
4) phone and phone charger
5) griddle
6) stoneware cookware
7) wisk
8) food processor
9) Dawn dish soap
10) Barkeepers Friend cleaner
11) good equipment for the job
12) extra plastic liners at the bottom of the kitchen wastebasket

To enhance a safe relationship, listen to the other person’s side without interrupting. Repeat back what you heard and ask, “Is that what you said?” Acknowledge that you understand the other’s feelings. This shift moves you from arguing with each other to standing shoulder to shoulder on the same side where you can both tackle the issue together rather than each other.

And very importantly, surround yourself with excellent, genuine, and healthy friends. Just like the lovely ladies who gathered at my house to celebrate my daughter.

Get Packing on Memorial Day

Memorial Day is an appropriate day to pack a box.

Weekly I mailed the largest bulk rate box the post office offered. Inside were peanut butter, tuna, Gatorade powder, oatmeal, protein bars, brownies, cookies, chips, books, photos, local newspapers, CDs, DVDs, and letters. Colts socks in time for the Super Bowl.

Seven months into his nine month military deployment, my son called from some place near the African continent that I’d never heard of. I burst into happy tears when I heard his voice. “Don’t ask him where he is,” someone advised. “It only forces him to lie to you.”

Instead I asked, “Are you receiving the boxes I send?”

He said the boxes were evidence that people back home had not gone on with our lives and forgotten him and his buddies. “They’re like Christmas.”

“What’s on your wish list for the next shipments?”

Protein. Calories. My beloved neighbor is a veteran of WW2. He lent me a book about the USS Monterey Aircraft Carrier where he served with President Gerald Ford. The photos show men who are lean to the point of skinny. “What food we have aboard is all the food we have,” he said. “Supplies run low when we are out to sea for a long time.”


Dale Alles

Dale Alles

My pseudo-son – dear Marquis who has room in his heart for my family – served in a medical unit that deployed to the Middle East. From his creative mom who is also the best cook in Indiana, I learned to include extra to share around, and reminders to have fun like like silly putty, paddle ball, play dough, and a plastic snake. Surprisingly the guys got a lot of return from the 99 cent plastic snake. Like Indiana Jones – “Snakes. Why does it always have to be snakes?” – a few guys were not fond of reptiles. So what’s a guy with a plastic snake to do?

Observant Marquis noted that there were guys who never received mail. He sent their names back to his mom and pseudo-mom. I packed a box for a mechanic in the motor pool and included a note. “I hear that you are a magician at keeping the vehicles running so the unit stays mobile. Thank you!”

Letters, emails, facebook messages, and skype chats are priceless methods to stay connected no matter what the miles. And there are frequent periods of black-out when servicemen and women are off the grid for safety reasons. I filled those quiet stretches with shopping for items I could stuff into a box.

Love in a box. Another way to say “Thank you.”

Mom – The Mad Hatter

Dashing out the door for Mothers Day church service, I wondered if there would ever be a time when I didn’t have something sticky smudged somewhere on my clothes. Later, as the congregation stood for the liturgy, I held my toddler who still smelled of peanut butter on toast. In the row in front of me was a young mom with her baby forked on her hip and a yellow lifesaver stuck to her butt. I felt better about the peanut butter on my shoulder.

Too soon I am signing papers that allows my eager son to begin military training while still a senior in high school. After all, he already pilots gliders and powered airplanes. Then I am shopping for colleges with his bright-eyed sister. And a wedding dress. Like Noah’s Ark on wheels, the horse trailer doubles as a moving van as I settle an adult child – that’s an oxymoron – into a newly purchased address. Recently I received my first Grammy Award when my grandbaby was born and I was promoted to Fairy Grandmother making all wishes come true.

Being a mother is a rich and full, satisfying and challenging, always winsome and sometimes heartbreaking adventure. As my children grew, I was stunned to realize how many “mommies” I would grow into. Motherhood is the sum collection of moms.

  • Joyfully nauseas pregnant mom
  • New mother with fluids-emanating-from-every-orifice-of-her-body mom
  • ‘Take-the-bologna-off-your-head’ mom of a preschooler
  • Help with homework mom even though when you heard the word calculus you thought it was a disease. “Your daughter has calculus? I am so sorry.”
  • Opinionated mom of an equally opinionated teenager. (Must get that from their father.)
  • “Call home occasionally” mom of college student
  • Mom with adult children who hopefully come home for the holidays
  • Stunning ‘still-has-it’ mother-of-the-bride
  • Elegant mother-of-the-groom
  • Favorite mother-in-law
  • Wish-granting Fairy Grandmother
  • “Stop-me-when-I-get-to-your-name-on-my-prayer-list-so-I-know-which grandchild-you-are” Great-grandmother

There are decades when I am ‘pregnant mom’ and ‘mother of school-aged children’ at the same time. I simultaneously balance ‘mom of learning-to-drive teen’ with ‘mom of a university student,’ ‘mother-of-the-bride,’ and grandmother. Whew! This was not a case of changing hats but of stacking them one on top of the other like the character in Dr. Seuss’s Ten Apples Up on Top.

photo (27)

It’s a 24-hour-seven-day-a-week job with no nights off, breaks, or salary. Eating a meal while it is still hot is rare; even getting to sit to eat a cold meal is not guaranteed. Motherhood is a constant flex and flow and if I do my job well, one day my grown child goes off to an exciting life of his own and I … well, I get to shift again into a new role of ‘mom of the very quiet empty nest’ – who cherishes the fingerprints left on windows that used to annoy me.

Children do not arrive with a set of instructions unique to their personality, nor do moms have a clear signal when to change hats. A mother-and-child relationship matures as we build rich childhood memories, and equip our young one with social skills, a strong work ethic, and a strong worth ethic.

The best gift you give to your child and to yourself – even when you don’t feel like making the effort – is the timeless benefit of a confident and consistent parent. Investing in your family is the most valuable employment of your time, money, creativity, and heart. Despite shortcomings, efforts that go sideways, and zippers that catch more than zipper teeth, in this key area mom is the only one who can fill the vacuum. No one else can parent your child. Your family is first priority and you are the critical person that makes all the difference in the world. To the world you are one person. To your child, you are the world.

Should You Guide Your Child’s Spiritual Development?

Writing about moms between Palm Sunday and Easter begs the question – should parents influence their children regarding faith matters? Or is this a personal issue we leave for our child to decide on their own?


Children develop in four major categories; physically, emotionally, and spiritually. Physical development includes healthy habits in nutrition, good hygiene, and nurturing environments. Emotionally, children learn to fully experience and contain their emotions, and speak the truth. Functionality encompasses academics and ongoing life skills that prepare your child to be personally responsible and able to care for others. The fourth important area of growth and development is spiritual.

How much guidance does a mom give to her child’s spiritual development?

  • Spirituality has to do with – well – eternity. That makes it important.
  • A child’s spiritual development impacts his character.
  • Children naturally have questions about the meaning of life, and an intrinsic knowledge of what is right and what is wrong.
  • In the same way a child requires guidance in every other aspect of life, he needs guidance about what those in his world believe and why.
  • To leave choices in this vital area strictly up to a child to “make his own decision” is confusing for the child.
  • Gentle instruction about family beliefs gives your child security in the ‘whys’ regarding what those around him do and don’t do.
  • As an adult, your child will make faith his own. The ultimate choice belongs to each individual.
  • A parent who has provided education and guidance in matters of faith equips their child to make an educated and confident choice when the time naturally arrives.
  • A shared faith is one of the characteristics of strong families.
  • An authentic relationship between child and mother encompasses opportunities to talk about everything – including faith, and the ethics and morality that stem from beliefs.
  • Choose wisely those who will spiritually mentor your child.

Faith is the basis for hope and purpose in life. It is protection against prejudice, hatred, superficial materialism, and agnosticism. Faith translates into unique value for each individual, forgiveness, and generosity. Involvement in a faith community provides you and your child with resources to tap and people to ask when questions arise.

Certainly the critics of religion and the church have some valid points. But there is nothing else on the planet we completely jettison from our life merely because it is not perfect. Everything I need to know about the church I learned from Noah’s Ark:

One: Don’t miss the boat.
Two: Remember that we are all in the same boat.
Three: Plan ahead. It wasn’t raining when Noah built the Ark.
Four: Stay fit. When you’re six hundred years old, someone may ask you to do something
really big.
Five: Don’t listen to critics; just get on with the job that needs to be done.
Six: Build your future on high ground.
Seven: For safety’s sake, travel in pairs.
Eight: Speed isn’t always an advantage. The snails were on board with the cheetahs.
Nine: When you’re stressed, float for a while.
Ten: Remember, amateurs built the Ark; professionals built the Titanic.
Eleven: No matter the storm, when you are with God, there’s always a rainbow waiting.
Twelve: It may stink on the ark, but it sure beats the alternative.

I’m in Love!

Okay, I admit it.
I am in love. Head over heels, heart-melting, goo-goo talking, giggly, laughing, tell everyone about it including every store clerk and even the wrong number. Completely smitten.
On April 1, in the wee hours of the morning, Micah James was born. My Grammy Award. And I get to be the Fairy Grandmother.
Not only is Micah the most peaceful, smell-good, cuddly-fits-perfectly-in-my-arms baby, his mother is lovely and serene. Micah weighed nearly the same as his mother did when she was born. Now my grown-up baby has a baby. Her older sister cried when she held the newborn.  She’s in love too.
What a wonder Micah is. Like my own children, all he has to do for me to love him is breathe. Just be.

Birthday Gift

Today my baby turns 15.
It is an exquisite wonder to be the proud mama of each of my seven children. Each is categorically unique and yet look enough alike that people will say “You’re a Wells, aren’t you?”
Today we celebrate the unparalleled gift that is my daughter.
Lilyanna, your future and possibilities are as unlimited as the Son!